my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
