Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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