like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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