Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
