Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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