There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Screwed.edu
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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