I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
