i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
