im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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