obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
