what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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