I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
