i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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