Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.