Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?