am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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