are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..