I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.