How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch