Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Every concussion has its silver lining
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
