I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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