I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize