I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I had to cum in my sink.
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