Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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