I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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