Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
