i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
