I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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