you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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