wanna go halves on a baby?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
