I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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