yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
