zippers are such a cool invention
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
