Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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