sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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