I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
