would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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