i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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