I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
