We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
