you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
