Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
