I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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