She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
