oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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