I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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