I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
