You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
