I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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