by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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