plz talk dirty to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
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there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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