our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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