My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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