Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
