Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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