And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
