It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM