thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups