the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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