Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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