weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize