Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
