it hurts more in the daytime
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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