can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
