Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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