omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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