Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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