My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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