Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
