She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
